The diviner uses fifty straws, which matches the number of the sky and the earth, and deducts one that symbolizing him, to calculate every change in the world. Firstly he keeps one that symbolizes the Taichi, the ultimate; and then separates the rest into two piles, symbolizing two Yi. Secondly, he takes one and holds it between the little finger and the ring finger at his left hand, symbolizing the sky, the earth and the people; then he separates the rest by four in a group to simulate the changing pattern of the four seasons. Thirdly he takes his straw from his left hand to the right hand, and counts them four by four, then put the residue between the ring finger and the middle finger. This means the one leap year in three years in the lunar calendar. Then he does this similarly and put the residue between the middle finger and index finger, symbolizing the two leap years in every five years in lunar calendar. Then he takes out the straws in left hand to see the number of the straws. If it is a odd number it is a Yang symbol, showing the positive; and if it is a even number, it shows a Yin symbol, the negative. So there will be five numbers for odd number and even number, and 25 positive, 30 negative, 55 in total. This number is expandable, which cover the most tiny and great numbers. So we can see why Yiching is able to calculate all changes as accurate as the God’s eye.

 

5

 

Dao, the fundamental principle of the world, the ultimate of life and death of everything in the universe, is composed of the constant working of Yin and Yang, which represent the two contrary powers of the world. The goodness is the actions that help continuing the Dao, the principle of Yin and Yang; and the principle of morality means to achieve the own nature of everything. The ones who understand this is able to know the meaning of Ren (the goodness), and the ones who experience this is considered to be wise men. The principle of Dao is widely accepted and used in daily life, but the people who use it mostly know nothing about it. Therefore, the principle of Dao contains everything and acts as the ultimate root, but few people know about it. I-ching shows that the principle of Dao is practical, though it seems hidden inside. How perfect it is that we can promote the vitality of the world and share the thought with the greatest men who don’t actually manage the world as a king, establishing a monument of morality, achieving great exploits! The greatest achievement ranges from learning the moral integrity to realizing the satisfaction of everything in the world with daily updates, which also sufficiently shows the illumination of morality. Yi (changes) in I-ching means keeping changing and going forward. Qian (the 1^st Yao in I-ching) means achievement and a static phenomenon, and Kun (the 2^nd Yao in I-ching) means implementation and emulation. To calculate the changes in the future is called Zhan (anticipation), in which way to understand thoroughly about the principle of changing is called Shi (things). When the anticipation reaches a top level, with highest proficiency in using Yin and Yang, one is able to know the secret of the God, and this is called Shen (as almighty as the God).

 

4

The theory of I-ching is universal and able to be applied in any place in the world, up to the grace of sky, stars and the moon, down to the principle of the land, mountains and rivers, because it contains the rules of changing of days and nights, brightness and darkness. It traces back to the ultimate of everything, for it knows the principle of the circling life and death. Spirits combines and creates everything in the world, so it is the source of life. It goes and changes with life and death, in which way we can see the figures of the Gods and the ghosts. The theory of I-ching goes with the ultimate principle of the world, for the two is similar. It enables us to know the whole creation, and gives us the theory to rectify the wrong and manage the world, so it has no limit in application. The theory is universally applicable even without a mistake, so the ones who know it well are happy to take actions according to the principle of the world, and take it for granted without confusion and worry. To stay in a situation of safety and do according to the good standard of the principle, it enables a man to have a general love to the whole world. The theory includes all changes in the world with the most meticulous details, which make it possible that it is perfect without a mistake or a flaw. It enlightens us of the principle of darkness and brightness, Yin and Yang, with the most universal principle in it. Similar to the fact that we don’t know all about the mystery and almighty of the God, neither, we don’t have a universal idea about the all-round principle of I-ching that unveils the whole university.

 

 

2

In order to regulate all the phenomena in the world, the wise men set up 64 Guas, which are composed by 384 Yaos. Moreover, the words indicating good or bad were added under each Guas and Yaos. I-Ching illustrates the mutual reaction of Yin and Yang which is producing all changes in the world, usually with the consequence of good or bad. So Ji is the symbol of good, and Xiong is the symbol of bad, which two is indicating a success or a failure. The Huijiu is the symbol of misgiving; the Bianhua is the symbol of going forward or backward and the Gangyou means day and night, that is, the alternation of day and night. The dynamic state of six Yaos shows the regulation of the sky, the earth and the human. Because a wise man is able to know and follow the indication in I-Ching, he can lead his heart to a peaceful state in his common life. So in common life, a wise man observes the phenomena in the view of I-Ching, and tastes its words. Once in action, he can know about the trend of consequence in the observation and forecast a success or a failure. In the last Yao in the Gua of Dayou, it says, “To follow the providence and get the blessing, it will result in a pure success without any adverseness.”

 

 

3

 

The words for each Gua explain the whole Gua, and the words for each Yao show the changes of a single Yao. “Ji” and “Xiong” indicates a successful consequence or a failure. “Huijiu” shows that there are some small problems and mistakes. “Wujiu” tells us to be ready to remedy the mistakes at any time. To distinguish the good and bad Yaos, We can check their position. And we can also know about the connotation of each Gua in the observation of the symbol of the Gua. We can know about the trend of the consequence in the words of each Gua and Yao, for example, if “Huijiu”, the symbol of small problems appears, we have to take action very carefully, because the result lays between the tiny gap of success and failure, good and bad. Those who change the position in “Wujiu” usually achieve a good consequence because ones can do remedy for the mistakes. Guas also have small ones and big ones; small ones symbolize Yin, and big ones symbolize Yang. The words for the Guas and Yaos sometimes show an extreme danger, for instance the “Yiyue”(body cutting) means an adverse situation. Also, some show good and peace, for example, “Good for Seeing a great person”, “Good for going across a big river”. So in the words for each Gua show the general idea of all indications of Yaos.

 

(PS, This Biography for I-Ching Symbols is a my translated version of the book Xi Gua Shang Zhuan which is written in old Chinese language, but some of the content have been edited in a modern language logic for easier understanding.)

 

1

 

The sky is high and respectable, and the earth is low and humble. So in I-Ching, we say that the symbols of Qian as the sky, high and Yang (positive); and the Kun as the earth, low and Yin (negative). Everything in the world is within the borders of the highest sky and the lowest earth, spreading in different positions. Therefore, the order of six Yaos has been properly arranged. Everything within the borders of the sky and the earth has its own normal condition. When the dynamics goes to the end, there comes the statics; and when the statics goes to the end, there comes the dynamics. Therefore, in I-Ching, the concepts of Yang and Yin, the production mechanism of Yang and Yin are fixed and apparent. People all around the world is categorized by different kind of Taos, and all objects are classified by different types. Those who behave properly and do good things are given preference, while those who don’t are given adversity, in which way, the auspiciousness and wickedness come out. It is given the possibility to observe clearly all the phenomena in sky including the sun, the moon, the stars, the changing of days and nights, the shifting of darkness and brightness; everything in all shapes of everything on the earth, including mountains, rivers, seas, animals and plants; every complicated changes in both nature and human society. So in the space, the Yang and Yin are constantly touching and changing into one another; and the eight Guas which represent the eight basic substances and phenomena also keep changing, and affecting each others. In this system, there comes the university and everything in the world. For instance, the Qi of storm ignites and motivates the lives in the world, and then the wind and rain keep nurturing them. The revolution and the rotation of sun and the moon form the days and nights, the four seasons in the world. Qian, the sky, the father, is Yang, considered as the symbol of male; and Kun, the earth, the mother, is Yin, considered as female. Qian, the sky, the time, starts the very beginning moment of the world; Kun, the earth, the space, serves as the carriers of everything, supporting all substances. So it is easy to know that, Qian runs in the upper level that control the days and nights, helping us understand about it; and Kun forms all substances in an integrated process, simplifying all their functions. Easiness helps us to understand it so people can get close to it, while simplicity helps us to follow it so it works efficiently and effectively. Because people get close to it, it enables a long-term existence; because it works efficiently and effectively, it can create a great success. Those who can keep a long-term existence must have the virtue of the saint; and those who can achieve greatness must have the achievement of the sage. The principle of I-Ching is so simple but contains all the rules of the world. If we can acquaint the rules of the world, we can see as far as the sky and the earth, and achieve an immortal success.

 

 

(Translated by Kane)

(Chpater2 will be translated noon)

(Chinese Philosophy Introduction 1)

 

What is the Five Elements?

 

Bad weather. Recently, I keep thinking about our position in the world, I mean the whole society. So I resort to the traditional Chinese knowledge and ancient philosophy, whose books are the easiest to find and read here. I read the Yi Ching, or the Book of Changes as it means literally, several times, and compared it to the Chinese medicine. Surprisingly, I saw a incredible perfectly integrated and precise system in its theory of understanding the mechanism, both in the description of the statics and the explanation of the dynamics.

 

Here I’d like to give a brief introduction about one of the core theories in the ancient Chinese philosophy, the Five Elements Theory.

 

As known, the five elements are the Wood, the Earth, the Water, the Fire and the Gold, of which the whole world is composed. Apparently, the five elements cover much more than their literally meanings, and the understanding about their meanings is the entrance key of the whole theory.

 

Firstly, we should establish a category of similar objects, movements and regulations. In one of the ancient medicine book, the Nan Ching, it says, the wood is about the curved and the straight, the earth is to support, the water is to clean and moisten, the fire is about something going up and fierce and the gold is about revolution and dividing.

 

Literally, the wood is the body of a tree, and it is vigorous and growing. So we can relate it to something growing or developing, containing the power of life. The earth is the base, supporting everything, trees, livers, seas, animals, metals, everything, so it represents the function of supporting. The water, apparently, has the function of cleaning, moistening and nurturing, so everything similar can be included in it. The fire is hot, fierce, rising up, anger, powerful and giving off. And the last the gold, represents the metal, sharp, ruthlessly cutting, separating something, and anything alike.

 

Thus it is not difficult for us to find that with a human central angle, almost everything in the world is within the range, and to step further, we can divide each element into two different categories, Yin and Yang, representing the mother-like nurturing and following part and the father-like creating and struggling part. For instants, the wood of Yang, is the great pillar of the world, high trees, stable and strong; while the wood of Yin, is much more like the flower and the weed, decorating and patching up. The fire of Yang is like the power of sun, shining everything, and the fire of Yin is the light of the lamps and the candles, also patching up the insufficiency of the fire of Yang. In this logic, every element can have its two parts, which are integrated and patching up each other.

 

The central theory of the Five Elements is the system of Producing and Restraining. Now we categorized everything in the world by their characters into five piles, they tend to have the relationship or links among themselves. And all these links, together, form a system of balance.

 

Let’s come to the producing circle. The wood is living in the dirt, and nurturing by the water, so water produces the wood. The wood can be burn, and be the source of fire, so the wood produces the fire. The fire, specially the lava in the earth, comes out and forms the dirt, the stone and the crust, so fire produces the earth. The gold, the metal, is buried in the earth, so the earth produces the gold. Last, the metal of sharp separates the water from the earth and the air, so the gold produces the water. Altogether, it is formed a circle, producing circle, Wood-Fire-Earth-Gold-Water-Wood, and so on.

 

Similarly, elements seem to restrain each other, what we call a restraining circle. The gold is cutting the wood; the wood lives on the earth and controls the earth; the earth is to block and controls the water; the water can put out fire; and the metal can be melted by the heat of the fire. So we get the restraining circle, Gold-Wood-Earth-Water- Fire-Gold, and so on.

 

The two circles, the Yin and Yang parts of each element, form a perfectly integrated system that explaining how everything in the world works.

 

(The next, I would introduce the Divinatory Symbols in I-Ching.)

 

In two decades of economy reform in china, the images of gorgeous banks with the shine of noble marble are the most impressive concept in our understand of economic growth, and those dense smoke in the sky and smelly rivers and lakes which we don’t usually like to recognize. We think, of no doubt, the economic growth is positive and good. That partly explains our preference for noble marble smell instead of stingy industrial smell. However, we don’t even realize that those smells cheated our noses and covered the genuine smell of the whole country, the smell of earth in our vast rural area.

 

Undoubtedly, the economic boom began with the banks, which is purely logical. When they washed the dirt on their hands in the farmland and went to the city, they had nothing but only a small piece of land and their shabby house, so they went to banks. Because people were supported to grant loan to help the development of the economy at the beginning, and it was easy to get a loan from banks, we got what we saw today, the industrial economy and the business world.

 

In the initial period of the reform, there was a giant market and all opportunities waiting for those people who just walked into the city, and someone said, everything was profitable if you had the capital to invest in it. It was the truth. It is reasonable that the expected surge of people into the city didn’t come out, as we saw, with a large base of labor in China, the city and industry didn’t suffer the short of labor. As professor Bi Xiaotong mentioned in his book the Rural China, “Those people who directly live on farming stick on the farmland”. He says, “Hundreds of years the residents in the village shared the few family name. It is clear on the gravestone that their descendants are still living here. The population in the village seems to be tied to the farmland, and it doesn’t change, generation by generation”, and “we can possibly believe, persisting in static is normal to the people live on farming, and the migration is abnormal that only happens in flood, drought or constant wars, in which case, it may drive some of the peasants to leave their home. Even in big events like the Anti-Japanese war, the migrating groups were just few, I believed.”

 

However, it seems, the people in rural area cannot hold on anymore. According to the statistics figures, up to May 2005, about 120 million migrated workers leave their homeland for work, among them, 100 million in the city, including 60 million drifting between different provinces. The situation is quite different from those twenty years ago, although they all washed their hands of dirt, and came with nothing. What’s different is that they can’t get a single buck from the bank with the same old houses. If we consider their precursors came for business of their own, they are purely driven out of the land by outside pressure, without any option to choose, selling out their only physical labor. There is no opportunity waiting for them, but exploitation.

 

Maybe some politicians think it is a good chance to make a show. Several months ago, the first “festival for migrated workers” was on in Jiaozuo City. In the period of the “festival”, some strange shows like the “top ten migrated workers election”, “movie week in construction site” and “group wedding for migrated workers” were on, although nobody saw any essential benefits were given to migrated workers. The Report of Migrated Workers of China issued by the research office of the State Department states that migrated workers have occupied the majority of the industrial workers, 52% of the Second Industry and 58% of the Third Industry. But it is completely out of proportion between their contribution to the development of the economy and the welfare they get, including the protection for the basic right, the social protection for medicine, unemployment, industrial injury, endowment insurance, and in further consideration, the education for their children. And migrated workers are almost completely deprived of any of these social welfares. According to the Representative Investigation done by the National Statistic Department in 2004, migrated workers receive only 500-800 Yuan monthly while working in high intensive labor more than 11 hours per day, 26 days per month in average. In some area, such level of salary reaches the lowest line in the regulation of the government. And it is usually the case of payment delay even for such a small amount of remuneration. By far, the rate of migrated workers who joined the social insurance project which known as the Five Social Insurance is low, except a certain numbers of workers who joined the Industrial Injury Insurance, only 15% in the Endowment Insurance, 10% in medicine, and almost zero in the Unemployment Protection and the Birth Insurance. The investigation also shows that, in the education for migrated workers’ children, in the rural area, 20% of the rural labors have received short-term training of career skill, while it comes to the junior training, the number drops to 3.4%, and 0.13% in middle rank training. It means, at least 76.4% of them receive no any job training. Stunningly, the governmental fund for training the migrated workers is, basically, zero. Professor Lu Zhoulai says, “Billions of migrated workers who have nothing to do with any basic social protection became a rootless and homeless group in the city. Thanks to their migration, the economy of China has developed, and the vitality of the city is built up. Meanwhile, the relationship between them and the city, even the whole society goes to tension because the city cannot provide them the most fundamental protection.”

 

Perhaps we should think where the problem roots in. Why do they leave the farmland for the city in spite of the most adverse living condition? What is the rural area like today? Should we try to locate the ultimate reason in the rural area instead of simply focusing on the migrated workers in the city only? Why were the static villagers turned into the most migratory group in China today?

 

Despite we keep saying “Agriculture is the first cornerstone industry” in on our lips, actually, we never place importance on agriculture, except in famine. Reasonably, the growth of agriculture is largely limited by land and sorts of natural resources, unlike those business and industry; it is not capable to be the locomotive of the economy. Since the economy reform, the obsession with rate of growth has covered the authentic pursuit of quality of life. The daily changing city building, the expanding industrial area and the prosperity of business world, become the new spot of wealth, however nearly all of these are far away from the rural area and the people who insulated there by the gap of urban and the rural area. The wave of reform is rushing to the traditional small-scale agricultural producing style and the self-supporting rural system. As the result, people walk out. The main color of earthy grey of the rural area remains although few distinguished villages like Huaxi and Naijie catch our eyes.

 

“The difference of income between the urban and the rural area is 2.5 times in 1995, while it grows to 3.23 times in 2003. If the transfer payment and the subsidies are considered, the difference is at 5 times”; “the highest difference is at 10.7 times”. The stunning figures from the National Statistics Bureau indicate that when the urban residents share the joy of economy growth, the rural people are suffering. The difference of income lays on the long-term distortion of market. Ever since the market-oriented economy is established, the agricultural products have been forced down the price for supplying cheap raw materials and low cost of labor to the industry. It could be easily imagined that when the farmers spend the whole year of effort for a small among of income, they cannot ever pay for the going up price of fertilizer, seeds, machine and taxes. The distorted market suppresses the growth of their income and misleads the configuration of resources. The inhibition of the advantages of natural resource and the high-tech modern agriculture approaches, results in low efficiency and slow growth.

 

If we say the side effect of market distortion that is not foreseen is a mistake, and now our slow action of rectification and remedy is another more serious mistake. Despite the recent slice of improvement in tax cut in agriculture, it is far from enough. I think, the governmental investment to agriculture is far insufficient, and the capital in rural area is badly needed. When I see the combination of “Rural” and “Finance”, I find myself quite difficult to imagine and relate the two, and come to a psychological resistance, trying to ask myself, “Do we really have rural finance?”

 

In another aspect, we don’t lack of money. According to the official numbers, the rate of administrative expenditure is straight-lined rises every year. During the 1978-2003, 25 years, the administrative expenditure has increased 87 times, average 23% per year and it is still going up by a wide margin. Only in 2005, the expenditure of vehicle purchase and maintenance in all levels of government reaches 300 billion; the expenditure for banquet is 200 billion, and the number for tour at public expense is 100 billion, totally 600 billion for the three above.

 

Some skeptics question about the efficiency of the capital in rural area and claim that this is going to be a money black hole. A test reported in The Economy Guide was held to demonstrate and estimate the efficiency of rural finance. The Delsaler Fund held a 15-year long Bafaliya Test in the Nanzhang Village in Qingzhou city, Shandong Province. This so called “Equivalence Test of urban and rural areas” hopes to find a solution of “City Rush”, trying to keep the farmer in their land. In 15 years, 4.5 million has been put mainly in the improvement of environment and infrastructures, making the village of “no city, no sea, no traffic, no mineral and no land” an earth shaking change. Though the villagers live in all simple and unadorned houses, the modern asphalted pavement divides the whole village into perfect order, with proper position of the industrial, school and living zones. Today, the average pure income for one villager is 6000 yuan a year. The villagers make the agriculture a part-time job for the villager, and they work in factories, in which, they can enjoy endowment insurance and medical welfare. A very special eyeball-catching figure is, before the test, the village has 4000 people, and now, 4000 remains.

 

As seen, to solution for the problem of crowded migrated workers lays in the “equivalent developmental mode” in urban and rural area, in other words, we don’t really have an excess of labor in rural area. I think, one effective way to realize this mode is to establish a rural financial system. It is not difficult to find out that people in agriculture can hardly grant a loan in the bank, with one reason of short of the ability to provide the security and another reason of insufficient support from the national financial system. In such situation they can only borrow money from their friends. The bad financial system has been proved to be in the way of the agricultural development. But the central bank’s recent trial of petty loan for agriculture is considered to be a good start, although we still have a long road towards a peaceful and thriving new agriculture.

 

 

When we are still passionately arguing about the neccessarity of the reform of current educational institution, and scrutinizing about for solution in all means, we are, maybe, coaxed into a misconception that we are not willing to consider the human factor, instead, we stubbornly think the institution to be the subject. Sort of “Institutional Enthusiasm”, Xu zhiyuan calls it, I remember.

Simply compared with the educational institution in the western world, US, eg, one can hardly find big difference. Generally, they are all divided the whole into three stages, the rudimentary school, the middle school, and college for further study. Usually the first two stages are for public education, while the college is for elite. Thus, a selective mechanism is necessary between the second and the third step, which is more or less similar to our entrance exam for college. Though China has a much lower rate of schooling for public, as it is, we can categorize it into a economic problem, rather than the institution. Somebody argues that the major problem lays on our connection between the public school and the college, which shows a failure in the shifting from a mode of forced study to autonomous search study. And it is apparently a superficial reason rather than the real inner problem, because they cannot raise a practical solution of it. While the rudimentary schooling needs a mode of forced study to shape the behaviour of the kids, and it partly determined it is not possible to put it away and replace it with autonomous study. As we try to develop such kind of autonomous study in the rudimentary stage, we are depressed to find our slogan of “quality education” has turned into all excuse for our parents to force their children receive all kind of special skill training; and our autonomous study is not more than a decoration for our schools' advertising alongside with the slogan of “a higher entrance rate for college”. Since it is so incomprehensible, we ascribe it to the institutional problem.

It is ironic. While our government tells us we are developing our country into a nation of common wealth, our Gini index is rising stably, just as the rush of our GDP. We can see it as a perfect contrast when we look at the skyscraper at the same time we see the “villages in city” and old adobes. And we are so cheerful to report that the transparency of our counrty has “skyrocketed form 78 to 70”, of course, even with 8 nations rank the 70th. We again, attribute them to the institutional problem. It is pretty trendy to ascribe everything incomprehensible to the institution. “Well, why not?” , they say, since it is so convenient, and also easily to exempt ourselves from all responsiblities.

It is also trendy to esteem a man with very simple and manifest criterion, eg, money, position, and the number of the people who knows him. It is quite amazing to see the society going in only one direction, in my words, we are again in an unconscious enthusiasm nothing big difference than what we were four decades ago. It is always dangerous to indulge in a uniform criterion or value, as we all witnessed, resulted turbulence and irrationality.

The education system also falls into a single-oriented pit. Our kids have to deal with all tests and exams very carefully because the mark plays an only role to evaluate them, and the intensive competitive enviornment amplifies it. All students have to cope with the trendy evaluation standard, and meet the taste of the enthusiasm of money, position and fame, by winning over others, beating each other and taking all means to gain eyeballs. Thus, people have such a morbid state to chase meaningless popular entertainment, to pose curved figure for noise and excitement, to sell one's self for material enjoyment in the price of one's genuine love and respect.

When confronted with criticism for all of these, we are readily to attribute all problem to institution, a non-human object. It is the time to think it over, what we should do behind the superficial prosperity of this fevered society.

I picked up my enthusiasm for cyber games recently. Not long after I felt quite reluctant to keep on studying English, I found a good way to separate the tediousness and the incessant anguish from the life, as what I did for years, I come into a vedio game enthusiam.

I remembered in my early childhood, maybe in the third grade in school, my father brought me my first pc, which is a part of my dream at that time. Perhaps once I saw the server and the typing client in my father's office, I knew I should got one and it was going to change my life. At least, in very few of my genuine excitement so far in my life, the day I got a pc is the most expressive one.

Cyber game didn't come the first, but typing, which was considered to be a major computer skill. I was not born a typer indeed, but a adventurer. Pretty soon, I learned to read the scaring English in pc and the complicated operation in dos, what might be seen as a kind of genius. Dissimilar to the easy-to-use windows system what we got today, I used dos, command line after command line. Though I was not a good typer in Chinese characters, I could type very impressive accuracy and speed in commands.

And I met cyber games.

By chance I got the disc of C&C, as a gift by one of my father's colleagues. Comparing to those boring games before, the interesting strategy game gave me a totally different concept of cyber game. Unlike what we do today in windows, just a few clicks and more clicks, to install the game was not an easy task, with all settings for hardwares, sophisticated manual in English.

Red Alert went after C&C, to be the two of my favourite games, then KKND came afterward-the three games I most remembered. I remembered at that time, when all kids were still enthusiastic about old style of video games and kids' play, I had gone further away. The emotion of a kid was simple and flat, and I played games always with high concentration. In order to approach such concentration, I always solved all annoying trivias before I played games, mostly, in very high efficiency. So my parents usually had no complaint about my playing games, for I usually did well in all other aspects.

Sometimes there are exceptions. When I was playing games with David and Johnko, or other friends more, my father always thought I played it alone in no regard of my friends. And When I had played for quite a period, I had a quarrel with my father, who was trying to stop me. However, my father complained me for the time-consuming of games, left little time for doing extracurriculum works, or some skill training like hardwriting, drawing and martial art. I always thought it over again and again today, perhaps, it is partly ture.

However games were time-consuming, I felt with no regret and guilty for the time I involved in it. I don't like regret about anything, as someone puts, a ture man regrets for nothing. Sometimes, you felt it in a rigid but uncertain way that something was destined to be done, or all things would go quite differently. So I met the games. I dissliked to calculate everything in a logical and accurate way it seems, because of all the uncertainties and unpredictable human reflections to even tiny difference.

When I recalled all the images of my enthusiasm in cyber games I could always find some vague links between games and my life, not only the peak and also the valley, with all my memories I went through. I saw many people, always, attribute bad happenings to here and there, and the tragedy of their life to others or just simply to themselves. To some extend, they failed to see the connections among the all things and the selective memory help them nothing but to define themselves in a narrow view.

Once I caught the flash why games came into my life, what if I went without cyber games and what if I involved all my time,energy and talent in just some practical aspects, first came the possible images then went into obscurity. Partly I accpeted it as a secret of the God about the possible arrangement what it came out if any tiny variables changes in the past life.

I found myself picked up a little of my enthusiasm on games, and the remote memory about games; i don't know why. But I guess it not bad, and sometimes we just need it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last time I sat in a bus heading to the downtown in a similar gloomy day with ashen dark sky that is going to be a storm, I should had known that, years later, when it repeat, I would apparently think in another way, totally different way.

 

It is in the noon. When the pressure of the dark sky came closer to me, I couldn't help creating pictures of devastating storm in my mind, and it caused a caution and exciting emotion, as if walking in twilight before a blizzard and when I look back, I fail to see the road I walk passed. While I was staring through the window of the bus, I mostly I saw nothing except my own face and some tiny red flowers alongside the road, which weren’t blurred in the dark. Though I tried to feel the smell of the flowers, I didn’t make it because the last time I could peacefully and unconsciously taste the smell in my memory should be of ten years ago. Possibly it was alongside of my primary school or on the way to my old house that near a river. I can’t see clearly of the vague line between two spaces and also the time. At the time I got confused.

 

I knew the rain was coming so I could sense the chilly wind. Probably I didn’t walk with such shoes that gave me comfort, and they were rather slippy so that I moved extremely carefully in every step.

 

Sometimes old smell and images came in all the time once I feel free in my mind, which blocked my stream of thinking in a pretty annoying way. Thus, while I was calculating something, the past run in. It was really irony when I tried to figure out the present number it turned out to be the past one. It felt like repeating and circling. Just when I was putting down these words I ignored the chance that I might have thought about it again.

 

The bus went on, and I began feeling sleepy. It was usual I went asleep when I was taking a bus. Instead of something old happened in buses, a mass of unstructured materials, steel, glasses, plastic, muddy air, nylon, wet binder, optical lens, all together came in my train of thinking. Even I didn’t know what they came for, I started to calculate the portion of these materials in the bus. As soon as I realized it was senseless, I tried to figure out the reason of all of these. Possibly that’s something I dare not to face, I found hard to continue.

 

Once I turned my eyes back to the bus, I had an unpleasant mood about the crowded bus carriage. I looked up, the guide map said, “Please keep an eye on your belongings”. The words were written in red and covered by thick dust, when the bus went, it produced a silly and tormenting noise.

 

Not until some one clapped at my back telling me that my umbrella slipped down on the floor, I didn’t notice that the bus had gone though the countryside and into the down town. Although according to my watch, it wasn’t fast, I didn’t notice the time went by and I sensed my thinking might go as fast as happiness. The majority might easily accept the modern concept of time which I called it “the rush hour”, since I’ve learned about music and tempo, I no longer trusted it. The bus went in a moderate speed, perhaps in a specific tempo, neither fast as rushing in the middle of the street, nor slows as lying in the midnight in a country house. The cloud, the birds, the trees and the old man sitting in a clean, well-lighted café in Hemingway’s book had never considered about the rush speed. When I came to Hemingway’s novel, I can always see some clean, well-lighted and empty place, with some one just standing or sitting in it and doing nothing.

 

The crowded people and buildings were tremendously stressful, thus, I always look for a clean, well-lighted and empty place, to do something in an incredibly slow speed. Young guys were fond of putting on earphones to take some music in the bus, for killing slow empty time and in-heart emptiness. However, I did the opposite for gaining extra time to slow down.

 

The driver shouted to the crowd who tried to rush into the bus, and those who getting out. Every time when people changed, I paid attention to the difference between the two groups, and every time I nearly got the same conclusion. I trusted my judgment. They are indeed all the same.

 

The bus stopped at a crowded station, I guessed I should get down. But I still didn’t know where to go.

 

My metronome sits in the front of my desk. Every time I look at it, something always motivates me to take off the cover and turn it on. The hammer swings and produces mechanical sound, one by one. My guitar practice tells me that I should follow the tempo, and go with the metronome. It is quite correct, undoubtedly. While it is another paradox, freedom of music and the strict tempo.

 

It is not easy to balance between the two.

i can't help thinking without boundaries these days even when i am contemplating something seriously... when i continued thinking in the classroom which is filled with dim light and old smell, it happened again...

 

i suddently found out that i might had seen or heard something before when the teacher was lecturing in the front... thought i failed to recall those stimuli precisely, perhaps some specific words or light, i noticed a very very femiliar feeling striked my nerves sharply, like a sting in the deepest heart...

 

i can tell apart those feelings from subconsciousness and logically made-up instinctly, because the two are so obviously different... some images or sounds recall something deep in my mind so that create unusual reflecting...

 

the more i think the more i feel frightened... TIME SEEMS TO BE CIRCLING...

i feel a little bit strange at the gate of the new term... in the middle of summer, wet and hot weather haunts me although some isolated showers cools me down occasionally... and all my vacation life changes into a gloomy work day, indeed, unpolished gray and without a twinkle in my mess mind...

 

i wander through some of my friends' blog in which they all put down their ambitions and expectations in the new term... the idea, so strong in feeling, comes to me that it seems i have experianced those long time before... the feeling went to the peak when i was sitting in the class room of fiancial management, in the gap of my thinking and planning... the voice from the lecturer came to me in a extreme familiar tone, what strikes me like a stinging... i never have experianced so strong about this, thus i sensed that something gonna happen...

 

however nothing happened... i went wrong again...

 

David considers me a rational person, while i feel the opposite... i think i always follow my sense, trying to image and to endetail everything, without any fault and misperception, so that i can do my business carefully and smoothly... but this doesn't make me rational 'cause i cannot figure out everything and make a statement, i just do, then feel good...

 

perhaps because i always concentrate myself on testing my ability to image abstract things, i think it is important to absorb and contemplate over every detail as much as one can... in fact maybe i 've ignored the majority and gone in a wrong way sometimes... or so sense are distrustable, or something are deliberately sent to confuse my mind...

 

i always say it would be ridiculous when you do not trust youself... of course i don't mean confidence, instead, i doubt people's perceptivity...